Stoned

Heaven help me, for some reason I've gotten sucked into American Idol again this season. This is not a good thing. For one, I hate that the people behind the show build up the hopes and dreams of wannabe singers only to dispose of them just in time for the next season. For two, talent in the contestant pool this time around is incredibly thin, the worst in recent memory.

I have, however, taken a liking to five of them, all of whom have survived to the top 12. Among them, Michael Lynche, Casey James, Siobhan Magnus, Katie Stevens and, begrundgingly, the very talented but hard to watch, Crystal Bowersox. The rest, well, they can go home at any time. It's downright ugly on the Idol stage for most of the finalists as Aaron, Didi and Tim repeatedly butcher their songs week after week.

Now that we've reached the top 12, we enter the Idol version of the Twilight Zone, known as theme weeks. Here we take singers of varying genre specialties and make them sing songs from bands and artists they may not know nor like. The judges have been chiding 17 year old cutie Katie Stevens to sing songs that are more age appropriate. They make this an impossible mission by forcing her to choose a song by a band that is older than her grandparents, The Rolling Stones. Somehow I doubt any of the top 12 even own a Rolling Stones CD. Song selection is crucial, of course, and can mean the difference between going home and joining the incredibly sad DeFranco Family Variety Hour national touring show.

Given the daunting task of choosing a Rolling Stones song for next week's show, I thought I'd make things a little easier for the remaining hopefuls and offer my two cents. Therefore, here are my song suggestions:

Aaron - "Honky Tonk Women"
He's got that nasally twang thing goin' on. This could work to his advantage on this song.

Andrew - "Sympathy For The Devil"
Come up with some fancy chords on your acoustic guitar and couple it with those smooth Latin vocals and make the judges shut up about the whole "Straight Up" thing.

Casey - "Saint Of Me"
Saint of what? Sure, no one's going to be able to sing along, but it fits his style and vocal and should be strong enough to keep him around.

Crystal - "You Can't Always Get What You Want"
Much as I don't want her around, there's no denying her Joplin-esque vocal suits Stones week so well it's almost unfair. She could do just about any song. She's too strong to fail here.

Didi - "Gimme Shelter"
It doesn't really matter what Didi sings this week. She's on borrowed time, but if she can up her performance a notch, she should still be around next week.

Katie - "Live With Me"
Katie's R&B leaning makes this week especially difficult, but listen to the live version of this song featuring Christina Aguilera and this lesser known song could finally earn her the accolades she deserves.

Lacey - "Wild Horses"
With her ubersoft delivery, there aren't many Stones songs she can pull off, but a solid rendition of this classic is sure to secure her spot.

Lee - "Jumpin' Jack Flash"
The judges seem to be oblivious to Lee's pitch problems. He could hide them here with a heavy rock performance.

Michael - "Almost Hear You Sigh"
Facing a major genre conflict, Big Mike could and should give the Maxwell treatment to this minor hit and bring the house down.

Paige - "Rain Fall Down"
I'm sure many of the contestants will choose popular songs, but unless you've got the chops, hits should be avoided at all costs. I'm not sure anything can save Paige, but this tune suits her voice and could give her the opportunity she needs to redeem herself.

Siobhan - "Emotional Rescue"
Quirky, but powerful Siobhan could light the phones up with this one. With its Prince-ly falsetto, it's one of only a handful of Jagger vocals that actually fall in a female register. She should skip the falsetto and sing the hell out of it. She's probably the only one who can pull this one off.

Tim - "Angie"
How this guy made the top 12 is a head scratcher, but he's still here. Rock doesn't suit him. Staring into the camera with his sad eyes and goofy lips is his thing. Ballad for you.